Mr. and Mrs. Hagar (34 years)

"She is good in so many ways....."

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Brenda & E.J. Hagar has known each other for over 37 years. She had a high school crush on him and he wasn't interested.  Two months after graduation, Brenda found out that E.J had broken up with his girlfriend so she seized the opportunity to reconnect by writing him a letter (he was a member of the USAF and stationed in Japan). That was the original You’ve Got Mail.  He came home from Japan in July 1979 and they were married on October 27, 1979.  No formal courtship– just a romance through the mail. Married for 34 years, Brenda and E.J shares a few words of wisdom.

 

ª      Brenda, what do you love about E.J?  He is patient, kind, and faithful.

ª      E. J, what do you love about Brenda?  Everything!!  She is my best friend, lover, and soul mate.  She is compassionate and giving.  She is good in so many ways.  That's why I love her.©

ª      How do you keep the romance going?  It is a priority for both of us.  It just doesn't belong to one or the other.  We have date nights and cuddle times.  He brings me flowers - I love that.  When we put it on the back burner and ignore our needs for romance we can really tell the difference.

ª      What is your favorite part of marriage? Having a partner. Having someone there through the fun, the bad, and the expected. I know I won't ever be in this alone.

ª      What is the most important aspect in a marriage to make it successful?  Trust.

ª      Life often throws many curveballs, and those that make it through those tough times stay together. How have you dealt with stressful times that arise?  Our Faith!!!  Trust in God.  Life sometimes will tear you down so low you don't think that you will ever recover.  The faith that we have brings us UP.

ª      Marriage isn't always a cakewalk. What advice can you offer newly engaged couples when disagreements occur?  Be considerate.  Even when you know you are right.  Let each other have their opinion and work through it.  Sometimes you have to agree to disagree.

ª      Brenda, what is the most important thing for a wife to know?  Respect your husband.  When we have had the most problems it has been because of a lack of respect and admiration.  Husbands don't always make it where you want to do that but it is necessary.

ª      E.J, what is the best advice you can give to other husbands?  Love your wife!!  In the ways that she needs to be loved, not the way that you want to or is the easiest.

ª      What did you see in E.J that made you want to marry him?  He seemed like a caring, dedicated, and loving person.

ª      What were your goals for your marriage when you were engaged?  *NEVER discuss D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!!  *Work through the problems. * Have children and ensure that we gave them a God centered life.  *Be there for each other - through it all.

ª      Are there couples you look up to? What do you respect about their marriages?  David and Sandy. He was our first Pastor after we were married.  They just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.  They have not always had it easy and they have showed us how to raise children, hold down a job and most of all, and love the Lord no matter the circumstances.

ª      What do you see as the strengths of your marriage?  We are devoted to one another!!

Any words of wisdom for the newly engaged couples that will be reading your story?  Don't listen to what "Hollywood" has to say about marriage.  Make your vows to the Lord and each other - NO ONE ELSE.  You are not accountable to anyone else except your spouse and God.  Be committed.  Don't make divorce an option.  Love one another like you want to be loved.  Be consistent.